2019. . .

🎶 Sunny daysss, everybody loves themmm! 🎶 But can I talk about my rain? The beginning of 2019 moved swiftly. January was cool. Went to Universal at the beginning of February, but by the end of Feb, I was OVER it. A tree smashed my car during a storm. March brought spring break, and some getting used to the fact that sometimes I had to make arrangements to get where I needed to go. April, which has always been a bittersweet month for me, was pure hell. My birthday is April 19th, which is also the same day my mom passed while giving birth to me. This year marked one year of my dad’s death, April 29th. His birthday is April 26th. Mother’s Day followed. Additionally, my granddaddy passed away May 21st . . . . and all of that was/is just "a lot" for me. There were days when I was sad, angry, and completely confused. Sad because initially, death makes us long for the people we miss. I was angry because I felt resentful. I was confused because this was the first time in my life where I couldn't shake it and get back to it. I’ve had difficult days, or difficult weeks for that matter, but I’ve never had difficult months - until now.

It felt unreal. I was looking around like, when is this joke going to be over? Some days I was able to put on a smile and go with the flow. Other days I stayed on the couch, waiting for the solution to pop in my head. I had to continue to hit the clock. As an educator, the end of the year makes us jump for joy, but there are so many logistics that comes along with it. It felt like I couldn’t get and stay head. I hit the gym as much as I could which alleviated most of my days. I was dropped off to and from work almost every day since February 19th. My friends weren’t going to tell me no. They did it without complaining, to me. Lol! Even though they didn’t, it didn’t make it feel less of a burden on my behalf, and I appreciated every bit of time inserted into their schedule for me. What I learned was that every problem doesn’t have a solution. Usually, after I find the solution to a problem, I feel like I’ve done all I needed to do, and it’s a wrap. But this time is different. When it doesn’t seem to be a solution, keep working through it.

This year has been a whirlwind, but I’m coasting my way through. I’m completely thankful for a sound mind in spite of, family and friends who didn’t question my needs, nor leave me during those gloomy days. I was reminded of this thing called GRACE. Grace isn’t given to us on the basis of if we do the right thing, or not. Grace is gifted regardless and because of it, we can/I vow to live FREELY. Cheers to everyone, myself included, who is OVERCOMING!

C’est la vie!