Assuming, but Not Knowing.

Do you go into conversations assuming something, or have already determined what you think has happened? A situation is only as good or bad as we think or react to it.

What better way to understand situations than through real life experiences? Audrey Johnson has shared an initial interaction of assumption, let's jump in!

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"I am always filled with enthusiasm when I have a chance to spend time with family. I will never forget Christmas 2012. Bright smiles, happy hearts, singing voices, and the holidays cheers were contagious throughout the night, but that’s not how it started. Let me take you back.

A few days prior to Christmas, my mother told me my aunt and cousins were coming to visit. My aunt has always been a bright light to me, and I knew I could talk to her about anything. Well, this time was different. I didn’t feel the spark that usually burns after finding out my aunt was coming to town. Instead, it was bitter. Earlier, I had informed my family that I was moving to California, but I hadn’t had a chance to talk with anyone from my dad’s side of the family.

Apparently, my mother mentioned the move to my aunt, who became offended that she didn’t hear it from me first; especially, now that two weeks had passed. Considering I hadn’t talked to my aunt, my mom and dad said that I should give her a call to apologize for not sharing the news sooner. I assumed that she was upset with me and became defensive. I too felt that my mother should have given me the opportunity to tell her myself. I was heated.

So here we are, Christmas Day. My aunt and cousins have arrived, and everyone is talking, smiling, sharing funny stories, drinking eggnog or wine - enjoying amazing southern food. My aunt and I hugged, said our hellos, but something was missing. Emotionally, I pulled my sister to the side, “It is not my fault that mama told her before I did! They need to deal with it!” I screamed. Let’s fast forward.

My presumption: I assumed that my aunt was upset because I didn’t think enough to promptly inform her. After having a chance to calm down and think about it, maybe, just maybe, my aunt was hurt; instead of upset. We always had a great relationship, and she always celebrated my successes. After an open conversation, I learned that she only expected me to tell her, and I realized I never took responsibility to simply say, “Yes, I was wrong. I should have told you.”

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Assumptions come into play when we think too long about something or someone. After given a fresh mindset or enough time to adequately process information - most of our initial assumptions aren't horrible. It is when we've extended our thought process and have spent too much time thinking about a situation, when our mind begins to derail.

Audrey, thank you for sharing this interaction, as it has helped me to better understand the process and results of assuming.

Has there been a time when you've made an assumption, but then had a conversation with someone and found clarity - learning that every detail you 'thought' was true turned out to be false?

Effectively communicating saves time wasted on creating ridiculous stories in our heads. When you don't know, or want to know something - JUST ASK!

Audrey Johnson, MPA, Blogger

Christie C.