Birthday Letter

So there’s something you need to know about me: I‘m a huge procrastinator and that is why this post is being published 19 days AFTER your birthday. Lol! I started, but then. . . However, we know that 19 is an amazing number, so I’m gonna roll with it.

Today (November 4th) is your day; you turned 63! Pretty old. :) When I was in high school, I use to cry on your birthdays because I wanted you here with me, physically. Today on your birthday, at the age of 28, I have learned how to control those selfish thoughts, as if your passing only causes pain for me. It doesn’t. As I checked on San and Nair today, and was reminded that the absense of your presense affects them too; extremely differently than it affects me. They had you for parts of their lives. When you passed San was 15. Nair, 14. I was unborn. But not only us; mama (my grandmother) and Grandaddy Jake lost a child, my aunts and uncles lost a sibling, and some lost a cousin or a friend.

I don’t know what I would have done all these years if it wasn’t for my imagination. The times where I had to imagine what you looked like aside from the pictures we have, the things you would say to me, and the things you would allow me to do because someone else had already said no. :) The family has kept you alive by sharing many stories. The good, the bad ones too. It’s almost like I know you, but I don’t, but then I do? Many people tell me that I look like you. “Tittie was so beautiful!” “That was a beautiful woman.” Aunt Betty always say that you were more beautiful than I am. :) I guess that‘s because of Larry Carr. Lol! Speaking of, who has made his way to heaven, too. I know you already knew that, but I haven’t said it to you yet, so. Have y’all been spying on me from up there? I have a bone to pick with both of you whenever I make it. Y’all had real nerves leaving me down here, alone. But not really. . .

I guess you told everybody to take care of me. I promise they’ve done that and more. I can’t even begin to list names. I know that you are proud of them.

I sometimes hate to imagine why things turned out like they did, but then I look around and think about it. Do I think it’s fair? No. Would I bring you/y’all back if I could? Yes. Can I bring you/y’all back? No. But all that I’ve ever imagined about you and what people have told me about you is keeping me alive. I am learning how to get back to a place of happiness after the pain comes. I had to realize that all of my feelings are valid. I deserve to feel how I feel at times because I am human, and as humans, we naturally wish, miss and long for our loved ones after they’ve passed away.

I have so much more to say but I’m going to let you get back to it for now. I hope your day was everything you “asked” for. I hope you like your birthday letter. Talk to you soon.

Your baby girl,

LaChristie