Real, Raw, Ideal

What is ideal for you? I'll let you tell me the answer to that because it took me some time to realize what it meant for me.

I can remember getting on the head start bus one morning, and Mrs. Logan calling to me and Jerica, "Yall, come out of the house and get on the bus." I surely didn't want to get on the bus with what I had in my hand. Jerica and I had been arguing because she told me to leave it on the table. Being stubborn, as I've ALWAYS been, I put it in my pocket. I didn't sit by Jerica on the bus; instead, I cut my eyes at her and rolled them until we were passing Piggly Wiggly. Just as we pulled up to the school, I pulled it out of my pocket and showed the girl who was sitting next to me. "Do you know what this is?" I asked. "Yes." she replied. "My grandmother smokes those all of the time." As I attempted to close my hand, Mrs. Logan was asking my row to exit the bus. "Christie, what are you doing with that!" Mrs. Logan screamed. I dropped crocodile tears and handed it over to her. 

***Be careful of all things you leave visible to children if you don't want them to come in contact with it. You know the use of them, but a child doesn't, and you can't be mad when they've 'used' them in the wrong way. 

I can remember my first day of elementary school clearly. My grandmother had arthritis really bad so she didn't get out of the house unless she had to. So, my aunt Beverly walked me to school on my first day of Kindergarten. I remember walking down the hallway of the 'lower building' and it seemed so big to me. A five year old, with a new back pack, new supplies, a new outfit, and all white Keds. Aunt Essie braided my hair so that it was neat for my first day. We walked in. "Hi, what is your name?" she asked. "LaChristie." I said. "You may put your supplies in your cubby and we'll help you find your seat." After I found my seat, my aunt said that she was going to walk back to the house and that she'd see me when school was out. I got nervous and asked to go to restroom. "Grab the hall pass!" she said. I was thinking what is a hall pass? Unknowingly, I left the room and searched the hall for the restroom. I found it, handled my business and came out to wash my hands. What are these? They sure didn't look like the sink I washed my hands in at home, but I tried what I knew. I twisted the knobs to the left and to the right, but still no water. A taller girl walked over and said, "You have to press it down for the water to come out." So I pressed the knob and there was water. I don't remember if I said thank you or not, I was just happy that someone helped me. I finally made my way back to class, and got in trouble because I didn't grab the 'hall pass'. I was over my first day, and was ready to go home to tell my grandma all about it! 

***Just as we face something new everyday, so do our children. We can choose to take the time to converse with them about it. Or not, and let all of the things they are facing build up inside of them. Unspoken greatness, new ideas, anger, hate, misunderstandings. This is something little that makes a big difference. 

In junior high, all I knew was that I wanted to play sports. I always made 'good grades' so I could easily persuade my grandmother into letting me try something new. I had always played basketball behind Big Mike's house and would come home dusty as hell everyday. My grandmother would say, "Get straight in the tub!" But sometimes we didn't, and we went to sleep with the bottom of our feet looking like tar. So in 7th grade is when it got real. There were real deal basketball games that you invited your family to. My friends and I had talked about how excited we were, what all we needed to do, etc. I was so excited, I shaved all the hair off of my arms for that first game. LOL! I don't know who I was trying to impress with shiny arms. My aunts and cousins were all in the stands my first game. I was super excited that they all came. . . .until I realized who wasn't there. And I knew if it wasn't for that arthritis, she would have been right there. 

***Do your best to support your children in all they do. Every parent isn't always able to support in EVERY way; although, most times we want to do just that. Do what you can and explain to your children when you can't fulfill a promise. Things implicit creates void. Void creates separation. 

I played basketball from 5th-12th grade. My grandmother never made a single game. As a child, this hurt my feelings, but because she explained the 'why' and made sure we connected before or after each game, I learned that this was something I shouldn't be mad at her for. Yes, I would have LOVED to see her in those stands at night, but that was beyond something she could do. She explained that to me, and I will forever love her for it. Oh joyous high school, right? High school taught me some of the lessons that I live by today. I couldn't get anything passed my teachers. In Spanish, I started the year off by sitting by one of my friends. A couple of weeks passed and we had an argument, so I chose another seat in Spanish. My teacher noticed. A couple of days later, she assigned group projects. Two people in a group. Well, I'll be ---- if she didn't assign me to my friend who I had not spoken to in weeks. In my head, I was like, "Really, did you really just do that?" That teacher broke the ice and ended a disagreement that had carried on for weeks all in 20 minutes. A genius is what I call her. 

***Be careful of your actions. Someone is always watching; they will act accordingly. 

The University of Mississippi. Summer of 2009, I packed my G6 with all of the gifts I'd received from graduation. I was so geeked until I got there and saw that I had to carry all of the things from my car, up the stairs to my dorm room. Move in day you say? Na, I missed that. Yes, trial and error. Yes, crazy. Yet, I was still excited. Scholarships? I was so gracious to have had those upon arrival. Financial aid? You say what? No, I hadn't completed it. What is a clicker? All of this was foreign to me. After a while, I finally started to get the hang of it. There were still a million of mistakes, but things got better. 

***Take what you learn and help someone else who is headed in that direction. This doesn't mean that you will be able to help them execute every single step in their life, but you can provide an outline that may keep them focused on the course. 

So I ask you, what's ideal in your eyes? For me, ideal is MY reality. It is what has happened and has made me who I am. It is what has knocked me down on my knees, and at the same time opened doors for me. MY 'ideal' can't be your ideal. What works for me might not work for you. While my life was and IS different than a lot of people, it does NOT mean that some else's life is anything more or less than mine.  I take my reality and truth with hopes of always being able to reach someone else's heart or soul.

Christie C.